Thank You Atheist Animal-Lovers!

I've been sick with worry that even though we are in the last days before the Rapture and the Tribulation...well, honestly, my cats haven't confessed Christ and seem to be unable to do so...so who will care for them when I'm uplifted?

I've worried for a while about their needs and the lack of food...even if I was home, my Left Behind Gospel (it is one, right?) says that my body would disapparate and no flesh would be left behind to feed them for a week or so.  How would they cope?

So, imagine the deep sense of relief I got when I found out about Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, a group of atheists who will take care of my pets when all that is left of me is smoking boots.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

Thank you, atheists, for putting my heart at ease knowing that even though half the earth's people will die from the Great Tribulation, at least my cats will be well nourished on everyone's carcasses.

Now if only I can find the money to send emails to the suckers left behind, and stop wondering about "how you check if a person is a confirmed atheist?" then my soul will be ready for the Rapture.

Thanks.  Whew.